Hipbones and Heartbreak: August 2017

If you don't follow me on instagram or aren't one of my facebook friends, you are potentially thinking I look a lil different in my most recent outfit photo. It is with great excitement I share the news that my partner and I are expecting a baby in January, 2018!

This blog for me has always been a "lifestyle blog" so naturally (when I remember to post) the content will shift with the shift in my life. I know there is an overwhelming amount of mummy bloggers and I don't see that being the direction I head in (although I don't say that with one hundred percent certainty) but rather a place to share fashion adjustments and more pregnancy and baby focused wish lists. If there is anything in particular you are wanting to see me post, please comment and let me know :)

I am heading towards the half way mark of pregnancy and I still have that feeling like I have fudged my resume and gotten a job I wasn't quite qualified for. From multiple conversations I am starting to realise that it isn't a feeling that will necessarily go away and like any new job you sort of have to sit at your unfamiliar desk smiling, looking busy and acting like you got this.... hoping that eventually the whole fake it till you make it will come to fruition.

When I was in the sixth grade I cut my hair off into a bob cut, I got home and tried on all my clothes but nothing looked quite right. I remember looking in the mirror and howling with regret over my new hair cut because now I needed a whole new wardrobe to match my whole new hair, which as a sixth grader earning approx zero dollars was not going to happen. Eventually I adjusted to my new hair cut and my clothes began to look normal and everything was fine. This flashback is a pretty accurate summary of how I feel about my current wardrobe, nothing I own looks quite right. I don't have time to adjust to my new body like I did my sixth grade hair cut because it is constantly changing.

As women, (not discounting men's feelings, just not something I have experience with) we spend our whole lives with such a strong focus on our physical appearance with a pressure to have our bodies look a certain way. We are continually crushed under the weight of a societal pressure that tells us that one of the worst things you can be is "fat" or "big", just to clarify this is not a point of view I agree with (if not obvious). So after thirty two years of having this drilled into me I am suppose to be instantly comfortable with my growing, bigger, fatter body. I look at other women bigger than myself and think they look glowing and radiant but personally I haven't adjusted to this unfamiliar body and I don't have time to feel comfortable with it because it keeps changing. Once you are pregnant it is like it become taboo to talk about your body in a negative way because as a walking baby oven you are suppose to be this wonderful,happy, glowing beacon of light. To concern yourself with such trivial things like body image seems to be seen as superficial, yet at the same time you are also suppose to be navigating people commenting on your growing appearance daily.

This is probably all coming across as a bit negative but I felt like it was something I wanted to write down because it is a part of my current journey and I am sure a lot of other women's. The way I dress is a huge part of my identity and not being able to wear a lot of my clothing this early on has made me feel a little lost in myself. So now I am going to force myself to see this as a challenge to find the pieces that make me feel comfortable and fit my aesthetic and to work with what I have got in my wardrobe that fits. So far I have found most maternity clothing to be so boring, if you don't wear black, grey, white, navy or striped very few stores cater for you. I feel like I have rambled on a fair bit so far so I might leave maternity clothing exploration for the next post. xx