Hipbones and Heartbreak: WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL IN OLYMPIA

I've woken up after my final exam, with a day off work and no specific plans. It's such a wonderful feeling to not have the shadow of the looming guilt of " you should be doing uni work". I have thoroughly enjoyed studying this year but at times it has been pretty overwhelming.

I fell off the map with the blogging for a while so I will catch you up a bit on what I have been doing. I was working in retail, managing a sneaker store after moving up from Melbourne. It was a great company to work for and the product was amazing but I didn't feel satisfied. I hadn't worked in retail for quite a while and during my time in Melbourne I had worked my way into head office roles in the fashion industry. I guess it felt like I was taking a step backwards in my career and wasn't utilising my skill set to its fullest. I knew moving up to Newcastle that the fashion industry didn't exist, i accepted that and made my choice. The reality of it was a bit harder to swallow.

I made the decision to resign from my role as a store manager... with no job to go to. The ultimate thing you are always told not to do, I did it. It was pretty terrifying but I had always found work quickly and easily in the past so this would be fine. I had an upcoming trip to Japan and my plan was when I got back I would find a part time role and focus on a baby/kids clothing label. If there was no industry here, I would make one for my own. This is where I hit a snag, finding a part time role proved to be a lot more difficult than I expected. I needed to be investing money into my baby/kids label to get it really happening, but I was living off of my savings and had no idea when my next pay check would come in. I was starting to feel really lost

Sometimes feeling lost can lead to good things, emotionally awful at the time but sometimes you need that to dig deep enough to find clarity. I've always wanted to study psychology, it was one of those things that I always said one day... I loved working in the fashion industry so it was always a good excuse to put off studying but I knew that one day working in fashion wouldn't fulfill me. I had studied fashion at tafe and I found it to be a really mentally draining process and that made me fearful. There was also the the issue of having to go back to being broke, limiting shopping (arggghh). So here was my situation I was already broke, I couldn't get a job in fashion (if i stayed in Newcastle) so maybe now was the time to study. I didn't finish year 12, in fact I finished school towards the end of year 9, for reason I am not interested in going into on this space. It is a debate I have had many times with people that just because a person lives in Australia and has access to education does not mean that their situation affords them access to that education. My completed level of education isn't generally information I am forthcoming with as people can be super judgmental. The result is that it is something I am pretty self conscious about, I have always been a reader which helped in self education but there are holes. I have never been taught how to write essay, I often go red with embarrassment just writing this blog haha. My maths level sat at about a year 9 level. When I was at school I actually did quite well but in maths in particular when I completed my work I was told to sit and wait for everyone else to finish, it didn't provide a lot of incentive to try.

I could have potential applied directly for psychology using my certificate in fashion but the maths level and missing essay writing ability would have presented pretty significant problems. I am lucky enough that the university near me offers a program called Open Foundation, it is a free program for people over 20 that helps to develop the skills to study at Uni and provides an entry score to get into a degree. You study 40 units in total, 20 of each subject and there is quite a wide variety of subjects available. I decided to do intermediate maths and philosophy, my choice for maths was to avoid drowning in stats if I got into a psychology degree and I felt philosophy would help me to develop my essay writing skills. I had tossed up between doing philosophy and social inquiry as both interested me, but settled on philosophy as one of the men I admire most is Peter Singer who is an Australian moral philosopher.

It has been a challenging year, there were many tears, many moments of wanting to give up. I was fortunate enough to end up with possibly the greatest teacher in existence as my maths teacher. I have no doubt that had she not been my teacher, there is strong possibility that I may have given up. She was so supportive and wonderful and helped me to build my confidence, which really was such a key issue for me. I wish that all teachers could be like her, not only did she take me from 9th grade level maths through to the hardest level of year 12 maths and onto probability and stat in less than a year, she also inspired me with her continuous positive attitude and passion towards what she did. I have worked my absolute butt of this year, where other people had to do an hour of study I had to do 5, I was always playing catch up. Now it is over, the never ending year has ended, I am sitting on a high distinction in maths and last night I sat a philosophy exam where I wrote 4 essays in 2 hours. This time last I wasn't capable of sitting an exam without having a severe panic attack and I am blown away by how far I have come.

Now for the waiting game, on the 9th I get my final results back and on the 15th offers start going out and I will find out if next year I get to start my degree in psychology. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me! As I write this there are a lot of really horrible and really sad things going on in the world. There are a lot of people who are writing about these things who have a better authority and a more informed opinion to be writing about these things and I will leave that to them. What I will say is how important I think education is, accessible education for those who can't afford it. Not only accessible education but providing people with access to the tools of how to access education and the support to get them through it. xx